Blinded by the Blackness is rated 3 out of 5 in the category mental health care. Read and write reviews about Blinded by the Blackness. When I was 10-years-young I watched the All Blacks play France in the 1987 Rugby World Cup Final. My family was at a family friend's house in Karori and I became a life-long fan. It was a bittersweet moment however, as any and all attempts to be part of the "game they play in Heaven" failed so miserably that one of my great passions became part of my greatest pain. I was too small and the few matches I ended up playing ended up in pain and misery. As a young Kiwi it was a horrible feeling as what I thought could be a dream became a nightmare for one simple fact: "I didn't belong" The All Blacks are the highest echelon of New Zealand society and growing up I knew I would never one day wear the Black jersey - I was told it was not possible along due to my size and was never encouraged by my peers. This pain continued in college when I encountered the horrors of bullying for the first time. When my parents, God Bless them, tried to do something about it the end result was St Patrick College was unwilling to do anything about it. My bullies were rugby players and were deemed to be untouchable. Eventually this was the genesis for me leaving New Zealand, after a friend of mine committed suicide after the 1999 Rugby World Cup Final while living in Webb Street in Wellington. I didn't realise it at the time but the relationship Kiwis had with rugby had a very dark side. The very economy suffered when the All Blacks lost a Test! At the end of 2007 I was awarded a contract I never thought possible, supplying content to New Zealand Rugby. Over eight years my role grew while in 2011 I reached Nirvana, awarded a contract with SANZAR (now SANZAAR). Not only was I part of the All Blacks but was helping manage Digital, Content, Social Media and Media/Communications for Super Rugby and The Rugby Championship. I was primary content providers for the World Champions and oversaw all of their social media. What a dream. But then things started to change. In 2013 I felt something was horribly wrong, and this extroverted soul did a simple thing. I asked for help. This is my story.